Quitting alcohol seems to be in vogue these days. I'd like to offer a counterpoint: I love to drink. By the government definition, I'm a very heavy drinker. I have 1 - 3 glasses of wine a night to relax after putting my child to bed. Of course, I do go many days without drinking when life gets in the way. But I certainly enjoy my night time ritual.
But what I really love about drinking is socializing over drinks. No, I don't mean the physical effects of the alcohol. What I like about socializing over a drink or three is that you're almost entirely focused on your conversation partners. People aren't focused on a board game, activity, or food. A group out drinking has made a commitment to one another that they're going to socialize in raw form. I like that.
I never tried alcohol and never felt compelled to.
As a kid I wondered what's happening with those drunk people I had a chance to see. So I read some books in library about alcohol (my mother was librarian, so that was my internet back then). It all just made sense and I decided that don't want to even try. I was asked to try alcohol by parents and relatives, I was ridiculed and insulted by classmates (drinking somehow was a sign of being cool for them), but I didn't care - I knew how it works, and I didn't want it in my life. The same goes for any other drug, of course.
The whole concept of using poisonous chemicals to alter your brain state was and still is very alien to me. I just don't get it. Willingly disrupt your body's functions on a cellular level hoping for something good, while all the scientific evidence points only to the bad? Still don't get it.
I do get the social benefits part, but I think it's hugely exaggerated. Yes, being drunk seems to be like removing your psychological self-defence, which builds trust, especially in a high-stake business relations. But it's not the only way to build trust, for sure, and definitely doesn't justify the damage alcohol does to the body.
Time to plug "The Sinclair Method" again.
There are many hyperbolic articles about quitting drinking, as there are, reasonably, many hyperbolically bad situations that people find themselves in due to drinking.
I found that the moderate tone of this article spoke to me more than I've found hyperbolic articles tend to do -- much appreciated.
I quit when I had kids. I'll have a beer here or there, but I don't "go to the bar".
I still miss getting shitfaced with co-workers, but I managed to accomplish everything I could while drinking during the last 20 years.
It guess it was fun, but I realize now I didn't need to go out every (or every other) day, and not for 8 hours at a time.
This sounds very strange to the uninitiated, but I grew up in a part of the punk music scene that was rebelling against drugs and alcohol. As someone who has never had a drink, I've never seen the appeal, and I always wonder why more people don't give it up. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Straight_edge
Alcohol helped me to gain social wisdom (did not drink before that at all, which I think is the reason I got bit outcast from people)
One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.
James Thurber
I love a drink but have found it very difficult to stop after a couple. Like the author, I haven't destroyed my life, but it has caused me all number of problems. The typical high functioning problem drinker.
The one thing (and I tried many) that has worked for me is The Sinclair Method (TSM). After doing it for a couple of years, now I can still drinking socially without worrying about blowing up the night.
It's not a new thing, but if you are in a similar situation and looking for answers, I can high recommend looking into it.
Back when I was first attending university, I attended this national entrepreneurship convention with fellow peers from my university's local chapter. There was a social night where they rented out an entire bar and we were all socializing. I was with a female friend from my university, who was pretty and obviously a magnet for all sorts of men. She asked me if I could get her some water, so I did. I brought a bottle of water to her, from which she sipped. Some obnoxious dude comes up to us, wanting to know her. She's a magnet. He discovers that I gave her the water, and he looks at me incredulously, loudly saying, "You got her WATER? WATER???"
Not being a heavy drinker back then, plus being your standard computer nerd, I was of course uncomfortable. I felt shame, but I couldn't figure out why it was justified. I also felt resentment because I had done nothing wrong. Years later, I've discovered the shame was never justified, the guy was just a douche (for whatever reason), and I was quite happy my whole life without ever getting piss drunk. I did get buzzed at least three times in my life, so I don't know what it would take to make me really drunk. Guess I'll never know though, because I quit drinking after meeting my wife because she doesn't like to drink. But I'm fine with it.
I do wonder if society would be more civil if there was no pressure to drink. I don't think non-drinkers should judge people who drink, and drinkers certainly should not judge people who don't drink. But it is an awkward truth that alcohol is often associated with misbehaviour or worse, and I'm not sure how society deals with that and also avoids going down the path of the US prohibition era and the backlash that is Al Capone. I've lost faith in society's ability to engage in nuance and not be judgmental. Bleh.
I stopped drinking regularly once I realized how many empty calories are in alcohol. It’s diluted poison that ruins your sleep and makes you fat. It’s just suboptimal to be consuming on a regular basis. The psychological effects can be fun but the negative health impact does not seem worth it
I have to admit I simply don't understand drinking alcohol. Apparently it affects me differently from most people. The only effects I get are that I feel tired, and my field of vision narrows. Neither of those are pleasant. I wish I knew how other people feel when they drink alcohol.
Alot of psychadelic-friendly communities don’t use alcohol
In case anyone here needs inspiration on where its normal not to drink alcohol
(Those communities arent about psychadelics, nor are they a replacement or addicting, its just the only common theme I see amongst various communities that will also not be into alcohol)
I gave up drinking in my early twenties, not because I chose to, but because I was forced to. I replaced it with drinking in my mid-20s.
As someone who can take it or leave it when it comes to alcohol I've made some interesting observations about alcohol and drinking culture!
I've found that for some its less about the alcohol and more about the ritual and the way it makes you feel. pouring that glass of wine after work or sipping the fancy cocktail before your meal in a restaurant.
It's the ritual people crave and having something unusual to taste. I find alcohol has very little to do with it and if your not able to switch your after work wine for low or non alcoholic I would guess there's a bigger problem there that is being self medicated by the numbing effects of alcohol!
I've never had anyone call me out for not drinking.
I'm able to stop drinking at any time, this includes half way or even two sips into a new drink. If I feel it's gone or going too far I stop. If someone insists on including me in the round after I've said no the drink doesn't get drunk. This was the hardest thing for me to learn but I've never been called out on it!
I also never drink if I'm in any form of bad mood and I won't drive if i've had even a sip of alcohol.
I'm lucky to be able to follow these 'rules' as I've gotten older I've found alcohol affects my blood sugar quite severely so it's a helpful incentive as it's very scary when it happens!
The non and low alcohol selections now are brilliant. enough variety to have that ritual or make a fancy mocktail! Best part is sipping on them during meetings during the summer!
I think my New Year’s resolution is going to limit my alcohol consumption to 3 units / week. I think of it as a tool for building relationships… for me 1 or 2 drinks goes a long way to opening up and having a good time with someone I’m trying to get to know (going on a date for example, or maybe catching up with a long lost friend). But outside of that application, I find that alcohol has no place in my life.
Tracking my sleep (via Apple Watch + AutoSleep app) has helped me drink a lot less. It's very noticeable if I have more than one drink.
Several years ago, I decided to push myself a bit further than before in my hobby of running and decided to train for a marathon. Knowing that it would take an unwavering dedication to getting up early and going for long runs, I swore off drinking for that entire year to ensure my body would always have the rest and recovery it needed.
Much like the author, it was not too hard to go to social events that I wanted to attend; but work functions and outings where I only knew maybe one person became much more painful to get through. I also realized that a bit part of my socialization in college and afterward was reliant on having some alcohol in my system to lower my typically introverted inhibitions. It was during this year that I felt like I really learned how to be social and extroverted without the crutch of some form of alcohol.
Now, even years after the marathon, I don't drink nearly as much as I used to. I may have a drink or two when I see friends or when out to dinner, but I feel no need to have more than two on any occasion.
Not to mention the money you save.
I was recently at a cocktail bar for a party. I think the cheapest cocktail was $17, but most were between $20-$30. And most people had at least two.
Meanwhile a lot of these places have cheap food (to encourage you to drink more), so I'm there in the corner scoffing my $4 pizza and $3 diet coke. Heh heh heh, suckers...
I gave it up in my 40s a couple years ago. I can’t say I miss it. I certainly don’t miss the hangovers and the feeling that I was killing myself. I plan to never have a hangover again and that probably means never drinking again.
I thought I would miss the social aspect, but I don’t. I’ve gone out with some friends and the places had mock tails or NA beer so it was just normal hanging out. Of course not being drunk I called it a night after an hour or so, but that’s probably sane and healthy.
The recent meta studies of the health effects of alcohol indicate that the health number of drinks per day is zero. Maybe you can have one or two a WEEK without negative health effects. Anyone who drinks more than that is needlessly lowering their lifespan and increasing risk of heart attack and cancer.
> My drinking was never outwardly a major issue, in fact, in Australia, it probably wasn’t even noticeable to anyone else around me and would’ve been considered pretty standard early twenties behaviour.
It seems rare for people to claim that their homeland doesn't have a heavy drinking culture. Reading through these comments, you see it claimed of the United States, New Zealand, Ukraine, South Korea.
In general, I can only remember hearing of Italy having "healthy" drinking culture. What are the others? I also wonder the extent to which the British empire spread the drinking culture of the British isles to much of the rest of the world (e.g., USA, Australia, New Zealand etc).
I haven't had a drink in forty years. From the age of about 18-20, I fell rapidly into getting blackout drunk several times a week. I don't miss it. I did AA to get away from it but I ended up leaving that. I don't mind if people like having AA in their life, or even making it their life. It wasn't the answer for me though.
One thing I've eventually realized is that I am not comfortable around a lot of ordinary people. I was using alcohol to try and force myself to be around people. Now I would say there's no reason to do that, it's a sign that you're in the wrong place.
Lots of people have a “problem with” x for various values of x, usually something socially prevalent. Respect to those who recognize this and can help themselves by refraining.
It seems like a key to overcoming is recognizing negative effects and having a strong desire to avoid them… but I can’t talk much about it because I have almost the opposite of an addiction problem in the inability to form habits regardless of the vice or activity. Besides perhaps a concerted effort to correct the beginnings of a weight problem I’ve never had to try to “give up” anything but more like just forgotten about doing the thing for extended periods.
Alcohol is great if you can keep it moderate. It helps socialization quite a lot and I don't think I would keep going to clubs and parties if I didn't drink. But I try to only drink once a week and not go beyond 4 beers.
Drinking, much like smoking, starts in the teenage years, not as an act of rebellion but as an aspirational goal of adulthood. It's something adolescents will frequently see as a marker of adulthood and reach for the marker as a way to bridge the difficult years where they are too old to be children and quite there as adults. Of course, these markers take on a life of their own, even when they have outlived their original purpose.
I gave up drinking in my early twenties because of cycling. By the end of my 20's, I had visited 9 countries by bike and crossed the US by bicycle three times.
There is old, forgotten Polish tradition of coffee drinkers not drinking alcohol.
It's not the reason why I never any alcohol, but it's a tradition I say I cultivate.
When I got into my 30s I just found that it screws with my sleep too hard and it is just too much of a commitment. I really have a hard time getting past a drink or two once or twice a months these days. The calories really start to pack on as well.
I don’t mind drinking. I grew up in the UK where the culture around it is different. I moved to the US in 2008 and it’s different.
What really opened my eyes was when I broke my hand in 2022 and spent a month unable to type effectively.
I’m happy to drink much less since the summer.
I'm a drinker in principle, as in not being a teetotaller, but am just not attracted to drink very often. I probably have less than a bottle of wine and half a dozen beers a year. Same with drugs. I've tried most of the common ones, including those considered very addictive, but was never tempted to make a habit of any of them. Likewise food - I'm not an over eater and am in my late '50s the same weight I was 3 decades ago (though a little fitter since taking up running, which along with other sporty activities I abjured with exaggerated horror in my youth).
None of this has taken the slightest effort or even any consideration to be honest. Neither is this easy sobriety a consequence of some sort of well-managed successful life (au contraire - it's a mess).
Perhaps some of us just have naturally temperate temperaments.
I stopped drinking about 7 months ago. I will second the author’s recommendation for “This Naked Mind” by Annie Grace.
To everyone out there fighting for sobriety:
Keep it up!
Stay on the path!
You can do it!
Short answer: because alcohol is alot harsher on the body than eating pot.
I stopped drinking over 20 years ago. One of the best decisions I've ever made.
The age for drinking in the USA should be reduced from 21 to 18.
TL;DR due to health issues (migraines from hangover).
Still an interesting read, especially since the author needed to 'cope' with being sober in a different way than you usually hear.
TL:DR;
Author got severe migraines from consuming alcohol and stopped for that obvious reason.
I am glad OP isn’t medically endangering themselves any further.
> Those nights with friends I had known for years felt no different now that I was sober. As I didn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable around them, and drinking together wasn’t the only activity or situation we saw each other during. Relationships with people who I only ever drank or partied with definitely started to fade away, but I never felt like I lost anything as a result of that. The nights where I was stinging for a beer to get through it, however, were the events I had no real genuine interest in attending, or with crowds that I didn’t fit in with.
This is a common theme among my friends who previously drank heavily: They participate less in certain alcohol-centric groups, but they realize they aren't really missing them.
Moderate to heavy drinkers seem to get stuck in a rut where it feels like everyone drinks as much, or more, alcohol than they do. Yet once they break out of that rut, they realize that a lot of people have no problem having a good time without heavy drinking.
Alcohol is definitely a crutch for a lot of people.