Looking at the proposed changes, I believe the user is wrong in their preferences. The state changes he suggests makes the button grayed out/outlined which is the default 'unselected' state for most applications. Tesla has it right. When NOA is activated, leave it blue, indicates that it's active. When it's deactivated, pressing the blue button disables it, showing the outline. I think the call to action should be to disable.
I test drove a Tesla for the first time a few weeks ago and was appalled at the UX. This exact issue came up (I had no idea if it was engaged or not) and the dashboard went haywire at intersections that had separate lights for if you wanted to turn left or go straight in that lane. It was enough to completely turn me off from buying the vehicle.
The proposed designs are still confusing to me.
Focusing on the A/C sync button. I don't understand why an inner fill with some padding wouldn't work to indicate a selected/engaged state ( that way you can still see the button outline so it's clear it is a toggle).
I’ve had my M3 for two years and the UX all makes sense to me. I’ve always felt it’s very intuitive. I have a feeling because of the beta nature of NOA it should have a prominent button. I haven’t used it much but I live in a rural area where I can’t use it anyway.
I'm not a Tesla owner, so I have no idea what the context for this UI is, but toggles are hard. I think a good rule is always follow the platform convention and if there isn't one be consistent.
NNGroup just did a post on toggles that is nice: https://www.nngroup.com/articles/state-switch-buttons/
I'd say even NNGroup doesn't really get it right, however. Raskin, The Humane Interface, p39 is a much better discussion.