Ehh... the issue is mostly that online dating doesn't go very well for the vast, vast majority of people. On the other hand, I know plenty of not-particularly-attractive people who've met partners through all sorts of weird and whacky situations.
Fact of the matter is that finding potential partners, like finding anyone, is about constantly growing the network of people you interact with. I meet new people nearly every week through various communities I'm part of and organise. Many of them stay that way, just "part of my community", some of them become great friends, and very few become partners. You're unlikely to manage that while working 80 hours a week, going to the bar once or twice a week, and otherwise not being involved in much.
Also, speaking personally... the sort of person who thinks it's fun to spend their time automating personal interaction is not the sort of person I want to date.
I think he actually found the love of his life and hasn't realized it. Turns out, it's a Python script.
151st date is the charm.
This is a bit like living in NYC for both parties: there is so much volume that you can't get past the first minor disappointment.
I think the volume prevents you from focusing on one person to figure out what you want.
You might want to focus some kind of algo on the second part of the dating: selection.
Don't just go on your gut or how you felt after the date. You need multiple dates to figure that out.
Thinking about it some more, the scripted interactions didn't work because they seemed too much like begging, especially after the 2nd message, when a normal person would have simply stopped communication with a non-responder.
There was no mystery or enigmatic friction created in his scripted messages. Nothing to raise the "buying temperature" or whatever you want to call it.
Also a head and shoulders shot with no context is as bland as can be. At least 1 shot should have been with an outside interest, like, with your dog (if you have one) or with friends showing you enjoying yourself. By adding such photos, I am willing to guess his responses would have been better.
Interesting article, but in the context of serious process and scientific methods, the rape statistics quoted in the article is the exact opposite. The "1 in 5 US women is estimated to be raped before age 25" comes from a single study where they did a voluntary survey in one US university campus. It reflecting of the set of students during that year on that campus that decided to answer that survey. The national average today could be 1 in 5, it could be much more or much less.
My stepdaughter went on 100 dates while in her teens (like, while aged 16-18), to get to know a variety of people (clean, usually double dates). She married ~#72 and they're doing very well, like, idyllic, after some years (she has blogs about raising their children). Anyway, while still a teen, she had an ebook published about why those 100 dates were a good idea, with 365 ideas for free or inexpensive dates:
https://deseretbook.com/p/date-day-365-ideas-lds-teens-teen-...
~$3. For what it may be worth from a relative. (You have to install the publisher's free ebook app, to read it though.)
(edit: I found eHarmony's approach, though not really their IT department, to work really well for me.)
From my friend group there are two types of individuals:
1. Individuals who date many people, breaking up if they find something non-optimal. These include minor things like, not cleaning up on occasion, or not liking something you do.
2. Someone who dates very few (1-3) individuals, sticking with them until a serious, fatal flaw appears, like being racist or physically harming others, etc.
If you define a successful dater as someone who has both longevity and quality in a single relationship then Group 2 has far more success in their relationships, in my experience.
> I’m a fat, bald, short guy whose only quality is that he isn’t an ax murderer... But I’m bad at small talk, and I jump too fast to intellectual conversations, making it awkward.
None of the engineering addressed root causes. Solve the confidence first, and then hack your way to a better physique, and maybe pick up some interests that are universal and easy to chat about.
This reminds me of a very humorous high frequency dating story https://web.archive.org/web/20170325010439/http://robrhineha...
(previously discussed here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6773841)
The attempt seems to lack any attempt to recognise the one or reflect what it is that he looks for in a girl. Whether the first meeting is fun and engaging and whether you two can be together long term are very different things.
I also think that sending three messages in three days despite being ignored selects shared traits in the group. I mean, he said he is shy but acted super active sociable and needy online. So he might be selecting girls who look for needy dude or want dude who is highly sociable. Instead, shy introverted dude who need excell to figure out inappropriate thing to say appeared. That can't be match.
I’m a fat, bald, short guy whose only quality is that he isn’t an ax murderer.
Cart before the horse. Also, smiley faces are kinda creepy in your first message.
Opens with the secretary problem and shows no evidence of actually following the algorithm.
Here in Paris, many people in their thirties are single like me, and many are on dating sites. I had a lot of dates on a french site called adoptecunmec unlike Tinder. After manual experiences, I started a script which notified me when new girls registered on the website, so I could message them before their inbox would be full. A lot of them were closing their account because of the insane number of lame messages.
I didn't finish this script because I decided to stop all these dating sites and focused on street drag. After work, I visit Paris (which I still don't know well) and talk to girls, as many as I can.
It's successful. I don't have this disapppointment on dates like you have with online dating, people don't cheat with their pictures. Of course, you take rakes, you get phone numbers and girls won't respond to you, but at least they won't next you as fast as online dating people do. Some figures: I would go out for 2 hours and get 2-3 phone numbers, thanks to weeks of practice.
Please stop online dating and get out, you'll get a pleasant time and this will be much less time-consuming.
PS:
- advices on street drag https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/top/
- this youtube guy helped me a lot https://youtu.be/DTDrnasfg_g?t=330
Somewhere out there is a girl spamming the hell out of online dating services, looking for this dude. Let's hope when their bots meet, they're programmed to exchange numbers.
Not a bad strategy even if it didn't work, dating is often purely a numbers game.
Meet as many people as possible, be as social as possible, create as many opportunities to meet new people as possible.
Also if you're a single male and you want to meet a female partner, I'd recommend moving away from the west coast. The south and midwest have far more women, and a generally friendlier culture which can make the entire meeting/dating process a bit easier.
Any automated process that depends on human interaction is going to fail, whether it is seeking a job, finding a date.
The big flag here is, after 20 dates, defeat begets defeat. You can't automate success.
Plus, the profile picture sounds a bit like a lie. Anyone who's done online dating is familiar with the angels needed to hide body-type. Of course, no one is going to be happy to see someone who doesn't look like what the photo envisioned.
"150 dates without success" --> what happens when engineering meets the red pilled world of dating.
I find this creepy and weird. How could you possibly tell the love of your life (if and when you found that person) that they were nothing more than a toy in your little data harvesting exercise.
Wow, the data point about rape is an interesting tangent. I guess with people like 45 and all the stories from Silicon Valley, it's not that surprising. But sad none the less.
Maybe we can follow the OP's lead and use technology to automate data collection around this and come up with better solutions.
Maybe learn how to treat another human like a human and step out of his own head for a second, might work better than 'engineering' love
Reading this reminded me of a google doodle,
http://www.doodlehistory.com/2012/valentine-s-day-2012-on-fe...
"how did you meet that guy?" -Ow, he had a bot on tinder and I responded to it.
Not the most romantic guy, despite his date ideas. Approach a person in public with a tape recorder, so you can just wind it back and go to the next woman.
There was this a few years ago
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in could, that we don't spend the time to ask if we should.
Slight tangent, but how do you script interaction with a mobile app like Tinder?
For the web, you use a headless browser. But what about automating interaction with mobile?
From solely reading the headline I had no idea how far the author took this. Kudos for this very interesting piece of "research"!
I am surprised by the horrible outcome, though, since meeting 150 women is quit a lot. I'd have expected to see at least a short-term relationship coming out of this. It's almost like those generic (but in no way bad) messages exclusively attract the "wrong" women.
Step 1, for success, is moving away from the Bay Area.
Cant't read the story, submitted link is redirecting to medium.com.
This is a depressing read. Here we have a "startup founder" (=relatively wealthy), who isn't that bad-looking, using a complicated script to massively increase his opportunities and he still can't get a date. Is there even hope for the rest of us?
It's like the programmer who applies to 150 jobs. The programmer cannot do the research on all 150 so the interviews lack the personal connection. Far better to focus on the 10 you really want do the research and put in the effort to really wow the interviewer.
The original link seems to be redirecting to medium.com.
This is the correct link, if OP or admin can fix it https://medium.com/the-mission/looking-for-the-one-how-i-wen...
Problem number one, that girl in the opening picture has a ring on her left hand. Perhaps try again with single girls?
He was solving a wrong problem using a wrong set of tools. He clearly stated that what he wanted was a walking womb however what he offered in his profile was something else. No engineering optimization would make someone who wants a steak happy in a place offering omakase.
This is like the reverse version of Ashley Madison fembots.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/ashley-madison-admits-...
That reminded me of my wife's friend who wrote a book[1] about her experience of outsourcing dating. Being a woman she has the reverse problem of too many suitors. She outsourced the vetting process and initial conversation to the hired assistants (yes, plural), with mixed success.
In my experience any kind of scenario where friction is removed (never have been on tinder, but I would imagine it is even more pronounced than a crowded bar) leads to that kind of imbalance. One of tradeoffs that might work for some males is to put themselves into a kind of situations that puts them next to females for a prolonged amount of time. School, work, and neighbours are classic, but that also includes dance schools, sports, and frequent parties with mutual friends. Women are much more likely to spend time with you if they feel like they already know you a bit.
How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love (wired.com)
I think that he needs to improve his conversation skills first.
Modern dating is a mystery to me. What a laborious and painful way to sift through people when the most likable people come into your life when you least expect it.
I love that down in the comments he was asked if any of those 150 dates resulted in him getting laid, and his response was, "44.7%"
It seems like he might have been better off working on his social skills than his date generating machine.
Looks like the article has now been deleted - it also disappeared from google amp cache.
if author is reading this - unsolicited advice: hit the gym, lose the gut. As for the balding head - shave it! Surprising numbers of females dig it.
And kudos for charity donation! Good luck
So, when will pydate be available on github?
This is not creepy at all.
/s
Successful attempt at engineering cringe.
how did he interact with mobile tinder ?
Go to south America.latin women are amazing. Feminine smile a lot good looking and full of flirt. Ofc you need to speak Spanish but it's easy to learn! 8)
>"I became an online dating magician who knew how to optimize a profile — A/B testing pictures and message. If I changed my profile picture and got more “likes” as a result, that meant it was better. I was tracking data, which made it easy to see what performed best.
>This one worked, probably because it hides the bulging stomach and the balding head."
No, your A/B test doesn't mean it's 'better', unless you're counting only number of first dates.
But you keep talking about finding "The One".
So here's some unsolicited advice - you are optimising the wrong variable.
If you're really looking for "The One", instead optimise number of dates that remain interested in you after the first or later, not maximising the number of first dates.
And along this line - use a picture that is more representative of yourself? If you're worried about potential dates being turned off by the bald head and bulging stomach, won't they be turned off when they meet you in person?
At that point it becomes game theory, do you aim for more first bites with lower followup success, in hopes that your personality shines through?
Do you cast a wide net, as you're doing, and exert a LOT of effort with first dates hoping you don't risk losing a potential "the one"?
Or should you be yourself from the beginning, "happy to be a hippo" so to speak[1]. You'll probably get fewer first bites, but ones that get through have shown they don't care about your balding head and bulging stomach.
Though I haven't been on the dating scene in 16 yrs, so take my advice with a grain of salt.
[1] https://www.quora.com/What-does-happy-as-a-hippo-mean